Do we need to suffer to grow?

This question has been turning around in my mind for a week. If I were to answer the question, playing the showreel of my life I would have to answer yes. I cannot recall a single moment of personal or spiritual growth that hasn’t entailed a dark night of the soul. A complete tower moment when everything crumbled to the ground and left me standing in the debris. During my brightest of times I have been content and happy but remained relatively unchanged. It was deliciously easy to drink in the joy of the present moment as everything hummed and flowed in glorious harmony. In contrast, during the darkest of times (of which there have been many) I have been broken open and forced to descend, mining deep for inner and outer solutions. It’s been pretty shitty in there but I have learned some of my greatest life lessons, gained wisdom and resilience. Now don’t get me wrong at the time I bemoaned my fate. You may have heard me cry ‘why me’ or ‘what have I done to deserve this’. This is the issue with suffering, when you are suffering you are just suffering and hopefully surviving. Nobody is jumping out of bed and giving thanks for failing mental health or accumulating debt or divorce.

This concept is nothing new. From Leonard Cohen’s light filled cracks to Buddha’s renunciation of a privileged life, the relationship between suffering and growth has long been sung and scribed. I understand the correlation between resilience and personal strength when climbing metaphorical mountains but my question remains, is it possible to grow without pain?

Growth inevitably entails change and this is not easy. If I think of suffering as a motivational force it is an impetus for change. The good times rarely call for me to do anything different in my comfy zone. This applies to both mental and physical suffering. It is mostly the human condition to respond at the point of crisis and this makes preventative health care very difficult to implement. Personal growth always asks us to do things differently and many wait until something drastic happens before shifting into gear.     

We are always more capable than we think. Situations that challenge us throw down the gauntlet, remember those sink or swim moments. Thankfully, I see most people swim and you cannot return from the brink and remain the same. You will have expanded through the experience. You will have become a much bigger container for life’s challenges.

I think that education and learning have been positive growth points. Knowledge is personal power and experiential learning trumps the collection of a book worm. The important part of gaining knowledge is living what you have learned, whether that relates to physical, mental or spiritual growth. Digesting, implementing and expanding the self through amazing ideas, perspectives and story.    

I have experienced growth through two types of suffering. One has been levied on me through a person, circumstance and higher power meddling with parts of my story I refused to rewrite. The other I have chosen myself. This is a different flavour of suffering, opting for discomfort. It’s like pushing a human out of your body, it still hurts like hell but you are part of this process and you know it’s taking you somewhere beautiful. I suppose suffering is part of life, personal growth and the human experience. If we try to avoid pain, in whatever form we fail to grow. For example, we may be called to implement something important but feel a visceral fear. Should we allow that feeling to dominate and hold ourselves back from pushing out of our comfort zone we do not grow. Leaning into discomfort can yield great benefit. We do not need misfortune, we need awareness and courage. Choosing to suffer in the short term for immense long term benefits is empowerment.